Part of embracing my age simply has to involve losing weight. I am currently about 30 pounds heavier than I was before I had kids. Which isn't too bad, all things considered. The fact that I've been working on losing weight for 15 years and just keep losing and regaining the same 15 pounds is the frustrating part. Ideally, I want to lose 25 and keep it off for the rest of my life. Is that unreasonable? I wonder what 120 pounds would look like on my 40 year old body. My birthday gift to self is making some changes--not just the kind that get you to a goal, but the kind that you can maintain even after the goal is achieved. I have accepted the fact that for now, even a taste or a lick of a sweet would be a dangerous thing. I realize that I am an all or nothing sort and even a taste can set me off on a junk food binge. For now at least, no desserts will pass my lips. I will avoid any foods with added sugar, white flour, corn starch, etc. Artificial colors, flavors, textures and preservatives simply don't belong in my body. I wasn't designed to process it. As I age, it becomes even harder. Last week my legs were so puffy, you'd think I was 8 months pregnant. (Fortunately, my belly wasn't quite puffy enough to actually mistake me for 8 months pregnant!) So, after 7 days without refined sugar and lots of peeing, my legs are beginning to look like my legs again. Each day that passes makes it that much easier to pass up the sweets. I love fruit and the cukes, zucchinis and tomatoes that are beginning to ripen in my garden. These will be my treat. Just because I want to change my habits doesn't mean I have to stop loving food. I just need to learn to love the right foods and recognize that I love the way I feel when I eat properly. Healthy food can still be sensuous!

Significant Day

I turned 40 yesterday. 40 is the age that always sounded old when I was younger. I remember when my mom turned 40. 40....40....40.....Obviously I'm having a hard time with this one. When I turned 30 I was excited. There is something sophisticated about 30. When I turned 31 I decided that I would be "30ish" for as long as I could pull it off. No matter what anyone says, I can't pull off "30ish" any more. It feels too much like a lie. I am 40. I can't call it anything else. Why does that sound so ugly to me? It is just a number. What does it mean anyway? Who cares? For whatever reason, I do. My adorable husband, who incidently has become quite a romantic, reminded me that he has now known me and loved me for more of my life than not. I was 19 when we met and 20 when we married. We celebrate our 20th anniversary next week. For him, yesterday was significant in a really good way and from that perspective I'd have to agree and also add that I am a very blessed woman to have him! In fact, my life is exactly everything I ever wanted. I have four beautiful, bright, healthy, fun daughters. I have a lovely home where I am able to raise them and a husband who works hard so I can be home with our children. He has a good job with job security. I have faith, friends and family. I am living the dream. I really need to get over my obsession with a number. My sister in law told me to embrace 40. I guess that is what this silly blog that no one will ever read is all about. Like it or not--I will embrace 40.